| Musical Dictator |
[Aug. 16th, 2006|03:29 am] |
Snood: hey man
Snood: hitler didn't get into art school
Snood: and look at him
Smaug: haha
Smaug: nice way of looking at things
Snood: yup ;)
Smaug: you saying I don't get into music uni and I'll become a neo-nazi dictator of Wales?
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I thought that would be an interesting start to an entry, at 3:40AM because I can't sleep.
I am so *incredibly* nervous at the moment, that I'm actually feeling sick in my throat and stomach and I can't sleep and I'm listening to Muse.
This Thursday is like judgement day, so to speak. The feeling of needing something instead of just wanting is so subtly different, but I can feel it so strong (<--- Spoken like a true live-journalian old chap!).
I get my results for my A levels back that day. Yes, the results of "Yeah, you did ok in Music, Physics you could've done *so* much better and in maths they screwed you over - but that's life!".
It's kinda hard to explain, but that's not what I'm worried about, even though those grades pratically effect what I am being so nervous about. Thursday is supposed to be the day when I get my rejection letter from Cardiff university.
Sorry, that was a bit negative. Let me rephrase that.
Thursday is supposed to be the day when I get my rejection letter from Cardiff university.
Damnit, I did it again.
I haven't ever needed something in a long time, want, yes, but need, no.
To get into this university would mean the world to me, there's just so much riding on getting into this uni, and I'm so scared about not getting in, because this is what feels most likely at the moment. The thought just refuses to leave my brain, and it's causing me to have sleepless nights (Cry more baby -_-).
I am fully aware that this may seem like amature dramatics, but ffs, there's too much riding on this for me.
I've never had a bedroom of my own, this would be great, finally, somewhere to go when I need somewhere on my own. I've never had a great sense of independancy, I was hardly ever allowed to go to sleepovers back then, and when I was allowed, I'd have to have my mam in the same house. I've never had a feeling of wanting to be at school by teachers, but for god sakes, they gave me a BBC requirement instead of AAB, which they gave everyone else, and I'm still afraid I'm going to fail that.
When people say "A degree's a degree", I don't feel it really applies to me, because I've got my heart set on this place now. It's either this, or I get condemned to Bangor, where my mam used to go. Think of the mental anguish I'd go through for a minimum of 3 years.
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Bobbus: BANGOR BANGOR BANGOR
Bobbus: not even Fate would send you to such a shitty-named uni
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Hell, this smart arsed, brown-nosing kid in my year who sucks up to all teachers applied to do medicine and got rejected - when I got to tell Brown I got accepted and even had my grade requirement reduced, just think about how I felt giving him such glorious news that I beat his pet.
(Ok, Medicine and Music are ---not--- the same thing, but according to the teachers "Medicine, Music and Science are the 3 most difficult subjects to get into at Uni and then as a career". And we always believe the teachers. When it makes us right.)
Just I need this so badly, and I'm getting sick and tired of getting avarage grades at anything I do - this is something I can be proud of, and if I don't get it, god... I don't even want to think about it, but it's the only thing running through my brain right now.
Oh well, I'll just sit in front of the computer screen listening to muse. If I'm lucky, loads of bad things will happen to me tomorow and a nice letter from Cardiff will appear.
I hope.
Smaug
----
Update: Just remembered another thing that's been bothering me. The more mature friends of mine (The amazing Karen (I <3 you for being so awesome) and people from Kung fu and others I have met through various means) always say "Don't worry, you'll get in, it'll be fine", and that really frightens me, because, what if I don't? I get to go to Bangor prison ffs.
Even after writing all this, I don't feel that much better. I'm sick, I want Thursday to come and go right now. |
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| Gah |
[Jul. 23rd, 2005|12:01 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Switchfoot - Meant to Live | ] |
I have to ask myself. Why do I have this boundary with my real life friends?
I seem to be able to talk so openly with people who live 100 miles + away from me, yet not with the people I'm with every day of my life.
How pathetic can I get?
Said friend had a go at me for asking "a personal question". God damnit, I only though I saw a funny question on a questionair and repeated it - "Would you have children before you are married".
People really like to bitch at me for the slightest bloody thing, don't they.
Good song playing atm - Switchfoot - Meant to Live. It's a bit emo, but I'm feeling emo atm, and I'm playing it as loud as possible to piss my dad off atm, generally because he's got the TV blasting twice as loud as my music and still he manages to tell me off for playing music too loud. I'm a room away from you for christ sakes.
So annoyed. I feel so worthless. Oh yes.
Well, maybe not that desperate, but I need to find something to occupy myself.
I really should be writing that script for my friend's play. And I really should be writing the music to it.
Can anyone say "I can't be bothered"?
Hmm. Kung Fu teacher's also been a bit iffy with me this past week. I think it's because I've been too tired to try in lessons, even though I do force myself to go. And he only ever mentions moving up to Green Sash whenever my friend's there, because my friend is his fave out of our little group of friends who goes. So I can't move up 'till he returns, and it's been a month since he's been.
Why am I always held back by others, intentionally or unintentionally?
Gah, as the title says. Please help me :(
Smaug |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2005|10:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Muse - Feeling Good | ] |
'lo.
I don't often post here anymore, my life is getting busy.
>.>
<.<
well.
Last night, some girl at 1:30 in teh morning walk outside our house and crossed the road to the Rhydypennau hall, and leaned against the railing outside. Then turned around and crouched down and started sobbing. The window was open, so I could hear clearly. And I was watching from a slightly opened curtain.
About 2 mins later, 2 boys come racing past on their bikes, and she gets up and starts yelling
"Fuck you Bacon"
Oh god. Peter Bacon. He's like a walking mental institution.
So he got off his bike and they were exchanging swearwords like no-one's business, shouting at the top of their voices as if the whole village was deserted. This lasted about 15 mins, before Bacon followed her back to her home.
Why does anyone want anything to do with him. Why did no one phone the police? Why didn't anyone come out to sort them out and tell them to shut up?
Who knows, but it kept me awake last night, which I wasn't happy about tbh.
Oh well. Pretty much everything else has been boring.
My band is having a hard time getting together to practice, 'cause no one lives near enough to town/has a big enough house.
*sigh*
I am trying to write a song for the band though.
And I just had a tune pop into my head, and I managed to write it down without forgetting it. I *may* use it for the play I'm co-writing/composing the music for. I really need to get to it, but I've either been feeling too tired or had coursework to do. Bah.
Have decided to elaborate on the piece now. Should give me something to do for the time being anyway.
Smaug
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Askaban in 15 mins: http://www.livejournal.com/community/m15m/2237.html |
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| Ain't posted here in a while... |
[Jul. 7th, 2005|01:15 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Muse - Citizen Erased | ] |
I really need to post here alot more often. It's just that, well... I forget about this place sometimes.
A fair bit has happened.
My er hu teacher and I decided to have my lesson on Wednesday (today) for reasons I will explain in a bit. Anyway, I walked in, he had grown his hair back a little and his beard, as chinese masters do. But I walked in and he seemed a little restricted in his emotions, then he apologized and explained to me that 30 mins ago, after coming home from his work, he recieved an e-mail saying that a lady friend of his has just died.
Crap.
And it seemed they held feelings for each other.
Double crap.
He shares the same sort of philosophy on life as I do though. Which, I guess, sorta helps in these circumstances, but having said that, I'd've most probably been in bed crying my eyes out.
But there we go.
Reason I had missed my previous er hu lessons and changed it was because...
2 saturdays ago I was at a tai chi festival. Well, more like "Tai Chi" festival, but yes. They wanted me to play my er hu there, so I did, to an audience of about 15. There was one guy there who concidered himself really arty, and came up to me saying "Yeah, I play the guitar, but how does it work without a board behind the strings to press against?"
¬_¬
*slaps stupid man*
The saturday after that, I was doing a Lion Dance, believe it or not. I was the tail end. Had to last that out for a mile, with my back at a 90 degree angle in a horse riding stance. Oh the joy. My back was in serious pain after that, but there we go. I'm getting £10 pounds for doing it :)
On another note, and setting aside Master Yu Ge's problems, today has been a really, really crap day.
I had to do a chemistry presentation this morning. And I had to completely wing it. Which frightened me, loads, but the teacher seemed convinced at what I was talking about (Damn you Kekule for making my life a living hell...). At least I didn't do what the other groups did, which was completly rip off information from websites. I actually read and put everything into my own words god damnit. So annoying. At least he liked my presentation, I got Craig to dress up as Kekule...
Other than that, my friends have been relatively down, or acting like complete twats. Which just pulls me down alot.
One of the highlights of the day, on the other hand, was playing speed pool with Jack. Absolute mental game. Can't make slow shots, can't hesitate, and all you can say is "Good", "Bad", "Game" and "Shot".
So, you can string phrases together, like:
Good Game
Bad Shot
Good Shot
And so forth. I lost though, came down to the black, oh well.
I was also talking to some of my friends (My best friend, a close friend from england and a close friend from scotland) on MSN, talking about jobs and things. I had to let it all off my chest.
People won't stop bitching at me for wanting to compose for a living, telling me I'll earn squat for what I do, and that I have to find an alternate career choice.
Fucking great.
"We're very sorry, but you suck at life and must find a job that will actually *earn* you money and gain you no self dignity... like a toilet scrubber at McDonalds!"
Thing is, setting that aside, what is there in composing? It's not helping the world in the slightest to advance in making the world a better place or anything. I see my friends going into science or maths, going to invent the next best thing. What do I do? Do something that just about the rest of the population can do. Everyone seems to think that they can get a guitar, a drum, and a microphone and call themselves a band these days. That really annoys me.
Also, when I was in the care of Eirian Jones, she lead me to believe that I could actually compose, which was a bad move.
Well, let's put it this way. I did actually do alot of the composition *myself* and *refused* alot of her ideas 'cause I thought they were crap and ended up with 98/100 for my composition grade in GCSEs.
But still, it was her none-the-less who came up with the compositions I made. And, quite frankly, I'll hate her for that, because I've ended up wanting to do something that I most probably can't do.
so tonight, I was talking to my best friend, and I said "Bugger it, I'm going to actually write a song for my band instead of doing covers". So I said "I'm going to let you choose the them," so he replied "Fear," and, I came up with lyrics, and they're not too bad tbh. I've named the song "Fluid Fear" thanks to Amy's help for getting me the title, and there is no where in the song that says "Fluid Fear" in it, so I am happy at that. The structure is
Verse
Chorus
Verse
(solo)
Verse
Chorus
Chorus
So I'm imagining it's gonna be quite a long song. 6/7 minutes maybe? I dunno. Gonna show it to the lead guitarist, James, tomorow, see what he thinks. We have to get our own song done mainly because I'm fed up of doing covers.
The beat should be quite fast, and hopefully it's going to have a driving tune to it, something to make everyone mosh to quite vigorously.
But yes, if you'd like to read the lyrics and tell me how crap they are, just ask.
But yes, that was may couple of weeks. I really need sleep now. The lyrics took me 2 hours and 30 mins roughly to write, heh...
Smaug |
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| Mobile Phone!!!! |
[Apr. 10th, 2005|05:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Green Day - Holiday | ] |
Yep, I'm finally getting the damn mobile phone I've been searching for years for. I'm buying it off of [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<ljuser="neomahdi">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Yep, I'm finally getting the damn mobile phone I've been searching for years for. I'm buying it off of <ljuser="neomahdi"> who is kindly giving it to me with a sim card and a charger all for 10 pounds. Hurrah. Now I need to buy the phone cover off of my sister <ljuser="Dyddgu"> (How much did you want for it?) and get a job so I can pay for the credit. Yep, all is falling into place finally...
Also it's my birthday in 11 days - I shall be 17 T.T I doubt I will do anything for it though, oh well. But I do get to find out what on earth my sister got me - yey. She knitted something. She knits alot these days...
I'm not going to post big, because I've little to say. Although I'm in a very Green Day mood tbh...
Smaug |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 6th, 2005|10:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Drained | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Switchfoot - Dare you to move | ] |
I need to update again, mainly because I've got a hell of alot on my mind, and it's 10:35pm on a sunday, a day before school, and I don't feel like going for several reasons...
At the moment, I am writing my second composition. Now, you may be lulled into a false sense of security by that sentence (Is it a sentence? I see a verb and things...) due to it being my "second" composition, thinking that I've done a first one. Well, it is, but it isn't. Thing is, I haven't actually done the first one yet, let alone start it, and this is a bad thing. I can't be having myself doing things last minute. But as a good friend of mine from Sc0tland said the other day -
"If last minute didn't exist, we'd never get anything done"
- which is a statement I must take a grasp of and firmly believe in. This being that I've gotta do another 1 by a few weeks time. I can take comfort in the fact that I've done this piece of music (Er hu solo with Piano accompaniment) in a matter of 6 days, and I'm on the last leg of doing the final part (the bass part of the piano) of this damn composition. But any composition I do I automatically think it sounds like utter crap, no matter what my close friends say. This is due to my low self esteem. God knows how it'll help me when I move onto some music university to learn how to do some major composing.
Having said this, my new music teacher (Mrs. Leggett) thinks I am amazing at music, which is quite laughable. Someone who is amazing at music is my sister [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<ljuser="dyddgu">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] I need to update again, mainly because I've got a hell of alot on my mind, and it's 10:35pm on a sunday, a day before school, and I don't feel like going for several reasons...
At the moment, I am writing my second composition. Now, you may be lulled into a false sense of security by that sentence (Is it a sentence? I see a verb and things...) due to it being my "second" composition, thinking that I've done a first one. Well, it is, but it isn't. Thing is, I haven't actually done the first one yet, let alone start it, and this is a bad thing. I can't be having myself doing things last minute. But as a good friend of mine from Sc0tland said the other day -
"If last minute didn't exist, we'd never get anything done"
- which is a statement I must take a grasp of and firmly believe in. This being that I've gotta do another 1 by a few weeks time. I can take comfort in the fact that I've done this piece of music (Er hu solo with Piano accompaniment) in a matter of 6 days, and I'm on the last leg of doing the final part (the bass part of the piano) of this damn composition. But any composition I do I automatically think it sounds like utter crap, no matter what my close friends say. This is due to my low self esteem. God knows how it'll help me when I move onto some music university to learn how to do some major composing.
Having said this, my new music teacher (Mrs. Leggett) thinks I am amazing at music, which is quite laughable. Someone who is amazing at music is my sister <ljuser="Dyddgu">, or my er hu teacher, or my piano teacher. I am far from good, let alone amazing. But still, it might pull me off with 90% + which is what happened at my composition for GCSE (98 out of 100 - which totally kicked Meirianwen's ass, btw, and the rest of the class - she only got 97/100 *sniggers*) and I thought what I composed there was utter bull. And my second major problem with the "second" composition is that it requires an er hu - and Noteworthy composer doesn't know what an "er hu" is ¬_¬ So I asked my amazingly musically talanted friend (He played a solo in some concert in london on the piano...) to play the piano part for me and get it recorded for us, which means I have to bloody learn it. Yey.
Another one of my major problems atm is the fact that I've got a music essay to give in. It's almost done, but not quite, and recently I've been feeling so drained physically and mentally to do anything without major motivation. Now, evasion of the music teacher would be quite easy, BUT I have to go in tomorow morning to find the other music teacher so I can let him listen to my composition AND she wants me to bring in the music for the solo I'm gonna do for my A/S level practical music AND I've got a saw throat. Ffs. So I'm gonna have to come up with my usual lame ass story - the printer's screwed. Which is true, so it wouldn't come up on a lie detector, I hope.
Another one of my worries is my Chemistry Practical exam that I did. Now, every answer will be diffrent, and thank God, my answere was fairly similar to alot of my friends', so they can't bitch slap me for any wrong calculations.
One good thing though. I got one of the 2 main parts in the play I'm doing! w00t! Now I've only got 6 weeks to learn a shit load of lines! Bugger! Oh well. Strange thing is 1 of my 2 closest friends has got the other main part. I've always wanted to act along side Tom, but having said that, it feels really strange having to hate him on stage. I need to learn to put my own emotions aside ¬_¬ Mind you, the part I've got is a part of that genre I've never done before, so it's really great to have that part. Tom is a great actor - and I wish my other friend would join too, but there's always next term - but I feel that I may screw it up. The feeling is just so weird :S I guess I'll learn to live with it.
As far as ranting goes, that's it. I need a friend to hug damnit. Will no one comply????? Just the company of friends in a non-working environment would do me atm... please...
*end of rant* |
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| *sigh*... |
[Feb. 4th, 2005|09:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  rejected | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Athlete - Wires | ] |
I ain't updated in quite a while. And to be honest, I really don't know why I am. Difficult to tell where to start. Guess it's because this "cyber being" in front of me is a better doctor than any of my friends could ever be, to a strange extent. And really, at this point, I would usually say "Sorry, my friends are the best thing really, I just need to vent my anger to a "stranger"" or something like that. But no, I'm going to refrain from doing that this time, I don't want to cover for my friends just because they're the closest things to me (Next to my sister, 1 or 2 are on par with my sister), or because I feel bad for putting them second to a computer. Really, because of 2 reasons. 1, I need to stop shielding the truth from myself and let this carry on, 2, because they wouldn't give a shit anyway. Actually, I take that back partially, 1 friend asked me how I was feeling because I had to have my eyes screened 2 days back and it still hurts (They said it'd take a week for the pain to stop). But other than that, that's the most I get.
Uh, this is difficult. My Er Hu (Chinese Violin) teacher always said that if he played a piece, and told the audience the title beforehand, and when he played the music, and the audience all imagined the picture of the title (For instance, 2 springs reflecting the moon is a piece, he played that, and all the audience imagined 2 springs reflecting the moon) he would feel like a failure as a musician. That piece of info has stayed with me ever since. It really is true, the title does not determine what the individual imagines - it's just a sign of a mediocre musician. The musician should be able to play the music so powerfully that the music will take a hold of the individual's imagination - that is a sign of a true musician. So I now think to myself - do I do this? Somehow, I doubt, I generally suck at everything I do, and my friends won't give up 2 minutes of their time to me to let me play to them proper music. Most probably because I suck, I guess. But I'm leading on to something else. It's this song.
You got wires, going in
you got wires, coming out of your skin
you got tears
making tracks
I got tears
that are scared of the facts
running down corridors
through automatic doors
got to get to you
got to see this through
I see hope is here in a plastic box
I've seen christmas lights reflect in your eyes
you got wires, goin in
you got wires, comin out of your skin
there's dry blood on your wrist
your dry blood on my fingertip
running down corridors
through automatic doors
got to get to you
got to see this through
first night of your life
curled up on your own
looking at you now
you would never know
I see it in your eyes
I see it in your eyes
you'll be alright
I see it in your eyes
I see it in your eyes
you'll be alright
Alright
running down corridors
through automatic doors
got to get to you
got to see this through
I see hope is here in a plastic box
I've seen christmas lights reflect in your eyes
down corridors
through automatic doors
got to get to you
got to see this through
first night of your life
curled up on your own
looking at you now
you would never know
This is a song by Athlete called "Wires". It's a song about a child born Prematurely and is really scared that the baby is going to die. Ultimatley the baby lives, but he's looking back on how he's so scared. I find this song extremely moving and very powerful, both lyric wise and the cleverness of the tune. I recommend this song to anyone. But the point I'm trying to make is that this song doesn't make me think about what he is singing.
I feel more like this song is all about being alone, and he's looking at himself from a 3rd person view. Talking about wires coming out of him as if he's connected to something that he doesn't want to be connected to - as if he's connected to a collective of people and he feels unwanted, but then he breaks away, and he's running away to the one he truly wants to be with.
I feel that this musician should feel proud of himself for managing to conjure up something else in my mind as opposed to what he was singing about. But I guess it's just reflecting what is on my mind, really. I don't feel "a part" of something anymore. I'm just there just to be annoying to everyone else. I once felt as if my friends really did give 2 toss about me, but that feeling's been eradicated, completly.
Then I realise my friends have lives too. My friend has now patched things up between his ex and they're now friends again, and that made me really happy to see them talking again. Other friends have things going in thier "love lives" as well and shit, but things seem to be going ok, but still, everyone's on rocky waters. But so am I, I'm on extremely rough waters, yet I feel that I can give time to them, to offer my help and help in any damn way I can, so why's it impossible for them?
I felt like crap one day, and for an hour and a quater, I sat in the common room, just staring, watching people pass ignoring me as if I just didn't exist, ffs, even those closest to me. It's fucking great, isn't it. I'm sure my friends would be saying right now "We felt that we had to leave you alone". Bull-fucking-shit, tbh.
Whenever others are there looking all "depressed" and sorry for themselves, wtf does everyone do? "Oh no, let's all gather around because he looks upset. Oooh, are you alright? Please don't look so down" The sad thing is, I do it too, because I don't think, and the matter of the fact is I care for my friends whether they care for me back or not. If I had my brain switched on all the time, I just wouldn't go, and stay where I was, ignoring that person back. It wouldn't work, and I doubt that person'd care anyway. I am a very doubting person, mainly because my doubts aren't just a "gut feeling", they are fact.
I can feel a pain in my gut telling me I shouldn't have posted all this because it is wrong and my friends are good to me. But I never said that my friends *weren't*, just that they are... extremely uncaring towards me. If, and that's a big if, my friends read this, they'd be saying things like "We're good to you, we bought you card for this game the other week" and "but I talked to you yesterday" (yes, for a bried 5 mins). Basically, my message is this - A gift in emotion brings a million times more happiness than a gift of any material substance. I just need a sign that people care about me, please. Not by coming up to me every day and saying "Smaug, you're my friend", but by caring if I'm feeling down or if I am in pain, or actually feel upset if they upset me, not just put every single blame on me to make them feel better about themselves, saying sorry as if you mean it (meaning it is also very important in this context) will make you yourself feel better in the long run. And even if you are "Crap at cheering people up", that doesn't matter, the knowlage that I know you're trying is better than not trying at all. Even if I do lash back, it's not because I'm pissed at you, it's because I'm pissed at myself or at something else. I never give up on you lot when you lot lash out at me, why should you lot give up on me? You've lot shouted at me more times than I've ever shouted at you lot.
But there we are, no one's gonna read this properly or take this seriousley, it's just gonna slowly be lost in cyberspace after a while. Guess I'll go back to being invisible again. I doubt I'll lock this, because then I feel all the words I've spoken here will have gone to waste. But I've no doubt that the people who should really read this (and actually take everything I said into concideration) will read it. So it won't matter in the long run.
Smaug |
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| Wow |
[Jan. 1st, 2005|10:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Incubus - Make yourself | ] |
This is bad. This is really, really bad. I haven't posted since October O.0 Oh well, it's not as if my life's been *that* interesting. I'm sure I'll think of something as I ramble on at this poor journal who has to listen to me type every single boring letter that enters the cyber world.
Oooh, I'm going to a friend's house tomorow, yey. Get to watch the Liminality OVA (Original Video Animation) there, then play some Budokai 3, yey! Speaking of games, I got Half Life 2, which I am very proud of. Though the damn steam thing that comes with it is more than annoying, took me 2 hours to set it up, it stops games from being illegally copied, good idea, damn annoying though. On Xmas day, when I got the game, I opened the box and there was nothing in it. *sigh*, so I had to send it back, but they didn't want the box back, so Amazon just sent me another game (Without the selophane, they opened it to check if it's there, lol).
I've also been dragged into a new card game - YuGiOh! It's really good, very strategic, that's why I like it. Although it gets frustrating at times when you don't get the cards you want...
Anyway, it's the new year, woop de doo dah. Don't understand the fuss over it, so annoying, although Jools Holland's Hootenanny is great to watch.
All my friends are "falling in love" now, and I'm the only one left, this leaves one thought in my head - Argh. What is wrong with me? I'm refering back to one of the things my sister told me before - "I'm in 6th form, I'm supposed to be going out with someone". I'm in 6th form, so does that mean *I* should be going out with someone too? Some of my friends say I shouldn't, some of my friends say I should, both of which is complete bullshit 'cause I can't *make* myself love someone, can I not? Although my 2 best friends gave the best answers to my problem, though they weren't really answers, though it makes sense - "Love is the greatest feeling in the world, yet it's the worst". (Sooo cliche...) I can understand why that's being said, but really I need to experience for myself to fully appreciate that statment, this is what's troubling my mind the most. I listen to alot of my friends' happenings in their love lives, usually the bad stuff, and although I feel upset for them, I can't help but feel slightly envious. Quite scary, and I wish I wouldn't, damn human nature... or at least, my nature.
Me and a new friend called Cez are setting up a debating team in school now, since I did move to Penglais and all. Gonna be fun, I've made a fairly good name for myself there (As opposed to my bad one in Penweddig), and I did a great argumentative speach when the County Councillers came, everyone supported me after my angry speach at them xD But yeah, we're starting a debating team, got a teacher's permission to organize it and watch over us, all we need now is the headmaster's support. W00t.
On this new amazing game I've got, well, 3rd game out of 4, I'm doing really well, very happy with it. It's called .hack//, so much fun. The anime, .hack//SIGN is even better, it's all set in this game world O.O
Anyway, I'm looking forward to tomorow. Kung Fu is alright atm, but we shall see how I get on. 'till next time I remember about this place...
Smaug
PS: Told you I'd talk about stuff as I got on... |
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| A question |
[Oct. 28th, 2004|12:47 am] |
Wanna see if anyone knows. There's a (brilliant) TV program, which just ended its second series, sadly, called Early Doors. It is *genious*. But the problem is, it has a great opening theme to it, and I want to steal it, but I dunno the title of the song and I never saw it in the credits :'( Help, tell me if you find out...
Smaug |
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| La la la |
[Oct. 28th, 2004|12:28 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Alright, but not feeling great | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Marilyn Manson - The Fall of Adam | ] |
Woooooooow, I ain't entered the LJ journal thing in ages. So much fun. My friend, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) neomahdi, has decided to join the Live Journal thing, and apparantly someone I know does this thing as well, so I must seek her out. So, what're my life problems for today?
Well, same as usual I guess. Everyone else has moved in in their "lives", as in, left me behind to dwell on my own, as in, they've got something happening, or slightly happening, in their love/relationship lives. See, I don't understand, my sister got a boyfriend in the 6th form - surely I should have been able to beat that? Damn her competativeness (Don't correct spelling, I shall be feeling murderous... just don't...)
Nothing much else, got myself caught up in another card game (Death to the Pokemon trading card game, muwahahah), so yeah, gonna be cheering on my friend on Halloween at this card tourney he's going to, so I'm looking forward to that.
I found a damn addictive game today though, it's called squares (When my sis sees this, you won't see her for... a month, at least) and your mouse is the square and you gotta avoid the red squares and get the black squares, get a red circle and something bad happens, get a black circle, something good happens! Yey! Let's get the link
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/squares2.php
Lol, that should keep people occupied. Anyway, welcome Mahdi, my long awaited friend to the Live Journal - welcome.
Smaug |
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| I must make amens... |
[Sep. 13th, 2004|08:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Feeder - Just the way I'm feeling | ] |
Yawn, this past months (or 2) has been *really* tiring. Especially last 2 weeks, very, very, very confusing. I've had a battle between Penweddig (My current school) and Penglais (My soon to be new school). They both want me. Simple fact. And I ain't boasting or anything, because both schools want as many kiddies as possible for the moolah. But yeah. Gonna try Penglais out TOMOROW. Lord help me. My friends have re-assured me that they'll look after me, but somehow... I doubt. I have many reasons for moving school, but the main one is the fact that Penweddig are still pissing about with the choices. They're going to put German back into line 4, meaning german and music class clashing, let alone Mechanical maths clashing with welsh, and the previous clash between German and Pure Maths. But when I move to Penglais, choices are a bit better. I've a ton of other reasons, but that is my *main* reason. Mind you, I have a ton of reasons for staying in Penweddig, *sigh*...
So, choices in Penweddig are like this - Musik, Physiks, Welsh, (German - that will be gone soon) and Japanese. But, Penglais is like this - Musik, Physiks, Chemistry (lol), Maths, Maths Mechanical, History (He convinced me, he said he help me whenever I need it - nice chap) and Japanese if they get a teacher in (Please god...). I'll still be missing out on German, but I'll see if I can take it up in my spare time. Pointless dropping the language, I'd feel so bad...
So, aside from THAT, I've still been carrying on with Kung Fu, yey, I think, nearly finished Tiger form, lol. Am seeing Shaolin Monks on Thursday, so happy, can't wait :D Also will be starting English Martial arts when this dude comes over from England to Aber Uni, if I have the time. More fun. And I've a race, I've got to learn over 100 scales and 3 difficult (Ok, not That difficult) pieces in less than 3 months, joy. Grade 6. I've also (haha at my sister [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<ljuser=dyddgu>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Yawn, this past months (or 2) has been *really* tiring. Especially last 2 weeks, very, very, very confusing. I've had a battle between Penweddig (My current school) and Penglais (My soon to be new school). They both want me. Simple fact. And I ain't boasting or anything, because both schools want as many kiddies as possible for the moolah. But yeah. Gonna try Penglais out TOMOROW. Lord help me. My friends have re-assured me that they'll look after me, but somehow... I doubt. I have many reasons for moving school, but the main one is the fact that Penweddig are still pissing about with the choices. They're going to put German back into line 4, meaning german and music class clashing, let alone Mechanical maths clashing with welsh, and the previous clash between German and Pure Maths. But when I move to Penglais, choices are a bit better. I've a ton of other reasons, but that is my *main* reason. Mind you, I have a ton of reasons for staying in Penweddig, *sigh*...
So, choices in Penweddig are like this - Musik, Physiks, Welsh, (German - that will be gone soon) and Japanese. But, Penglais is like this - Musik, Physiks, Chemistry (lol), Maths, Maths Mechanical, History (He convinced me, he said he help me whenever I need it - nice chap) and Japanese if they get a teacher in (Please god...). I'll still be missing out on German, but I'll see if I can take it up in my spare time. Pointless dropping the language, I'd feel so bad...
So, aside from THAT, I've still been carrying on with Kung Fu, yey, I think, nearly finished Tiger form, lol. Am seeing Shaolin Monks on Thursday, so happy, can't wait :D Also will be starting English Martial arts when this dude comes over from England to Aber Uni, if I have the time. More fun. And I've a race, I've got to learn over 100 scales and 3 difficult (Ok, not That difficult) pieces in less than 3 months, joy. Grade 6. I've also (haha at my sister <ljuser=dyddgu>) started a new instrument, the French Horn, lots and lots of fun. Still going with the Erhu, and might be starting the Dizi soon, chinese flute, lol. I love my musikal instruments....
Anyway, I think I've said all the important things. I shall bid you farwell, 'till the next time I write here, lol, soz for the long wait...
Smaug. |
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| Also... |
[Jul. 21st, 2004|11:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | RHCP - Give it away | ] |
Below, I put a star near thing. Reason I put that there is because I was meant to say...
*The reason that Milk is the most amazing thing ever is because I am addicted to it. I can drink 6 pints of full fat/semi skimmed milk in 1 day and have been known to do it on several occasions. But this is not my fault. Since I was 4, I have been forced to drink 3 cartons of milk on a daily basis and slowly I have become addicted to it. Lol. This is not my fault :D |
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| Mmmm... |
[Jul. 21st, 2004|11:03 pm] |
...I'm eating a melon right now. Yum. Can't get enough of melons, they're juicy and sweet, can't get better, apart from milk.* Nothing much has happened, went to Kung Fu last night, I think I enjoyed it, and I think I might have mentioned that I went yesterday, though this is a complete blank to me, so I'm saying it again :D Also been playing with the Jo stick, learnt a new move, strange "Block to the side" move where you lift your back leg, so when your stick gets hit, you can spring back on to your back leg and lunge forward with a thrust to knock your enemy. Nice. I also practiced with my Samurai Sword. It makes lots of satisfying "Whooshing" sounds, which, doubled up with the person who you hate most being in front of you, it would be the most satisfying noise ever. Yum. Gonna go Kung Fu again tomorow, learn rest of what I was learning last time, which I cannot remember the name of, lots of "breathing in time". Pretty simple stuff. But yes, my life continues. Spiderman 2 on Monday!!! :D :D :D!!!! I am taking 1 friend with me because he will be very upset seeing as the love of his life is going to France for 3 weeks starting Monday, so we decided to go see Spidey on Monday. Great stuff :D Also, another annoying thing, I automatically look back at what I just wrote incase dyddgu starts pestering me for more spelling mistakes I've made >:E Argh! Anyway, talk to you all later.
Smaug |
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| Hehe |
[Jul. 20th, 2004|01:19 am] |
It had to be done....
:D |
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| Wow, I forgot all about this... |
[Jul. 19th, 2004|11:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Eminem Feat. Dido - Stan ('tis his only good song afaik!!!) | ] |
Hmm, I really should update this thang more. I been to the hospital as of late because of my diabetes. W00t. Yes, I invented a new thing, which is an improved version of the diary, you can read the things much more easily and put a hell of alot more info on it. They're gonna use it for other patience as well. They'd better give me the royalties...
Also, I went to Kung Fu, yey! It was quite good. The master dude is quite funny, and alot of the people there are really nice people, they took note of my t-shirt which has a Tai Chi kata, lol. (side note - these biscuits taste like Rice Pudding :S) But there was this one guy who was *SO* annoying. Dunno him, but I call him Frizzy haired guy for the obvious reason. I had to practice with him, and he was extremely impatient with me. Ffs, it was only the 2nd time I've been! He was all "ooh, no, you're doing this wrong, drop your body when doing this" - Drop your body? What? And after doing it his way the teacher came up and told me I was doing it all wrong! ARGH! And I was really afraid of hitting him, so I'd back off slightly in order for the distance between me and him would be greater than the length of my arm, but he kept on moving forward saying "YOu got to hit me", so I said I was a little worried I might hit him, so he said "It'll never happen", so we readied ourselves, and I punched him right in the face. Stupid idiot. But thankfully the teach switched him with this girl who was really nice and was complimenting all the time, and then complained to the teacher that I was too fast. Was pleased with that, though was very tired. I got taught some of the "Tiger form" by Wolverine (You'd understand why I call him that when you see his face, his sidies are *huge*) and that's about it. I can't think of anything else to report apart from my life being very plain and me helping my friends out with their lives (They shove it down my throat and ask me to regurgitate it with the answers). Ahh well. I have a strawberry lollipop waiting for me. Have fun y'all.
Smaug |
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| Livin' in an Amish Paradise... |
[Jul. 4th, 2004|11:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Weird Al - Amish Paradise | ] |
I'm really tired. So, so, so very tired. I feel as if my head is not right. Was practicing with my Jo stick in't back at about half 9 (pm, this is) and Viv Div (next door horsebuzz (Neighbour)) slams the door shouting "BYDDAI'I NOL MEWN". During this period of inexpectancy and pointless shouting from fatty next door, I was spinning the Jo stick above my head (executing a move) and I heard and then suddenly I lifted my head and it smacked my left ear. "F*ck" I whispered in a refrained mannor. So I legged it to the front door and went in. Bastard. I've a really bad headache. Through this, the moral of the story is - Red Oak bloody hurts. Ouch.
Also, my friends are going on camping trips every other day, and it's really depressing me. Because of my diabetes and my mam thinking that I am the most incompetant child in the world I can't go. She reckons that I'll have a hypo whilst asleep. And *as if* you go to sleep on a camping trip, and ffs, my mam sets the alarm for 3 in the morning to check my bloodsugar. These past months she has switched the alarm off in her sleep and I have to get up to do it. I'm not disputing the fact that this should be my job anyway, but I am annoyed that she reckons I am incompetant to last a night on my own even though I check my bloodsugar anyway. Argh. Depressing. Help. |
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| Bored. |
[Jul. 1st, 2004|11:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Opening theme music to .hack//liminality | ] |
I am so bored. Nothing is happening. Nothing. I didn't go to kung fu because I'm being driven around alot this week for reasons which are not my fault, thus meaning that lift into kung fu was extremely unlikely, so I didn't ask. I am very bored, talking about life's problems to 2 of my best friends, Mark und Jess. They're good at talking, heh. But there really is nothing to say. Dunno why I'm even writing in this again... My sister seems to be having a good life also... lots of swearing... yes... OOoh, one of life's problems that I'm talking about to them (This is a common subject) that I don't have a girlfriend. I mean, is this really necaserry? (Sorry, can't spell, too tired) Well, it's not the fact that I don't have a girlfriend, it's the fact that I don't even fancy anyone. People, enlighten me. Ooh, and how do you get more friends thingis?? I only know of 3 people on this thing...
Another interesting thing is that I've had my ears serringed today. So strange. She said "Oh, since you're doing this one, might as well do the other one". So I now have 2 perfekt ears. Brill. It feels like I have supersonic hearing or something... |
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| Hmm... |
[Jun. 29th, 2004|02:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Rasmus - The one | ] |
I love people ranting and raving about their lives. It's somewhat... relaxing. The knowlage that your life isn't as crap in some areas as it is in other people's lives is strangely amuzing. Thankfully (lol) I don't have a girlfriend, and not particularly intending to either. (no, stop thinking that! The answer is *no*) So, yeah, another boring day in my life. This really isn't going anywhere, apart from the fact that my ear infection's just become worse. But thereagain, gonna go to kung fu on THursday, methinks, and be the wallflower, where he doesn't notice me, and I get bored. The usual. Update you all on that soon. |
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